I Prefer Ms.

I’ve been feeling restless. So, you know, that was my sign to make a list. Yeah—I’m the queen of lists. I love lists so much that I wrote a book about it. This is a shameless plug for my book (in case you didn’t notice). Check it out here if you want.

I’m not posting the whole list I created for 2025 but I will tell you that one of the tasks on my list for this year was to pick twelve books I own that I haven’t read and read one a month. It’s a reasonable goal and I can add twelve more to my ‘have read’ shelf.

The first book of 2025 was called Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. You can click on the title to learn more about the book if you like. I found it at a local free little library. The word feminist jumped out at me. Then the word manifesto. The author, a feminist (obviously), and a person of color immediately had me as I’m always curious about other women’s experiences. I was so in that I read this book on a drive to visit family a few hours away. She made many excellent points which I agreed with strongly.

Ms. Miss. or Mrs.

Ms. Adiche wrote: I prefer Ms. because it is similar to Mr. A man is Mr. whether married or not, a woman is Ms. whether married or not. So please teach Chizalulm that in a truly just society, women should not be expected to make marriage-based changes that men are not expected to make.

When I began teaching I considered how private I wanted to keep my personal life. I leaned hard on the idea that I should be Ms. Not Miss. and also not Mrs. When I wrote my name on the chalkboard (yeah, the chalkboard—I’m old) they asked what Ms. was about so I explained. I guess it wasn’t as common almost 30 years ago.

“Miss.,” I told them “is a contraction of the word mistress from the 17th century. It also identifies that a female is typically under eighteen and unmarried.” A few lightbulbs lit above their teen heads. “Mrs. is also an abbreviation of mistress, but it indicates that the woman is married. She is Master’s.” More lightbulbs popped on. I wrote M.S. on the board. “Ms. indicates—none of your business.” Most lights were now on and some kids giggled. I think they got it. I always added that I believed that men and women should have the same opportunities for privacy.

Accidental feminist

Turns out I was a feminist before I labeled myself as one. That’s cool. I guess I just want everyone to have the same fair stab at life.

Quotes that stuck

When I finished this book some quotes stuck, making me ponder. And isn’t that the point of good art?

Here they are:

• We ask a powerful woman: is she humble? Does she smile? Is she grateful enough? Does she have a domestic side? Questions we do not ask of powerful men which shows our discomfort is not with power itself, but with women.
• Teach her to love books.
• She will never call her daughter “princess.” People mean well when they say this, but “princess” is loaded with assumptions of a girl’s delicacy.
• Never speak of marriage as an achievement.
• The premise of chivalry is female weakness.
• Raising her feminist does not mean rejecting femininity.

You don’t have to agree with any of these but I think some of these ideas are, if nothing else, interesting.

As always, thank you for reading Lovelies.